Computer Service Fee Schedule
With the recent economic downturn, it’s been hard for people to afford my standard rate of $100/hr. In an effort to make my services a bit more affordable, I present the following revised table of computer service rates:†
ETA: I thought this went without saying, but this list applies to female clients only. Sorry Phil.
| Service | Fee |
|---|---|
| Install software | Show me your boobs. |
| Setup Gmail | 15 minutes of making-out. |
| Setup new hardware | An erotic massage. |
| Computer buying advice | Dinner, movie, and “coffee”.* |
| Computer running slow | Oral sex. |
| Virus removal | Two things: cheerleader outfit and set of pom-poms.** |
| Reinstall Windows | One hour of dirty, dirty sex. |
| Setup Hotmail | Call your hot friend to join us. |
| Computer frozen | Donkey Punch.*** |
| Re-install Mac OS X | A friendly hug. |
* Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.
** Any actual cheers performed will earn free tech-support.
*** Includes 95% dumb-ass surcharge.
† The standard family rate of $50/hr or dinner will NOT change.
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Kate
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Tina